I'm watching being john malkovich. and i love this film. i love john malkovich. but it's just made me realise how awesome it would be to see into someones mind. even just for a few minutes. i'd love to be able to look into "his" mind, just for a minute.
even though in the film they don't see john malkovich's thoughts they just see through his eyes or whatever.
but it would solve a lot of my problems. cuz i think half of my problem is the not knowing. like what the hell is going on? where is this heading? i know what i think. i know what i feel. but i don't have a clue from the other perspective.
is there even anything going on though? am i reading too much into it? expecting too much?
and now there's another problem. a half famous, incredibly attractive, incredibly sweet problem. but i don't know if i'm been played or whether he is actually genuinely really interested and is just a bit shy. but i'm left thinking "don't be stupid" he's in a band that are getting really big. he's just finished a uk tour. he probably has girls falling at his feet. he's probably just been nice. but then, it's him that keeps coming back and talking to me. and i find myself getting excited. and thinking oh my god, this guy out of one of my favorite bands could be interested. and at first it was just because he was in this band. but now it's cuz he's such a nice guy. and we have loads of things in common. and he's really sweet. and we have lots to talk about. we say about all these things we want to do together...
but i don't think it will happen. he's so busy. with the band. ive never really known him. we spoke briefly at his gig. and that's where it all started. but apart from that i don't know him.
i don't know him at all.
or is this all in my mind. do i walk around with this dillusion that just because he talks to me that means he likes me. maybe he just spoke to me because he was being polite and now we have got to know eachother slightly, he just classes me as a friend. not even that. an aquaintence.
same with the other one. we have this "thing." this weird, lusting friendship. but is that all it is? a bit of fun to brighten his dreary life n his miserable relationship?
do i read too much into things? do i make things up? twist things to make the situation into what i want it to be?
i wish i knew. so i could sleep...
Saturday, 9 May 2009
Friday, 1 May 2009
Saturday, 25 April 2009
25.04.09
Either he is a lying, cheating scum bag, or she is an absolute fucking idiot.
I'm beginning to lose my patience. Not that i ever had any in the first place. I feel like an absolute mug. After what happened on saturday night. The way it was. And then he goes away for 4 days and it's like none of that ever happened?
Proper fed up. Proper proper fed up...
I'm beginning to lose my patience. Not that i ever had any in the first place. I feel like an absolute mug. After what happened on saturday night. The way it was. And then he goes away for 4 days and it's like none of that ever happened?
Proper fed up. Proper proper fed up...
Tuesday, 21 April 2009
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
15.04.09
(17.00)
"I can't stop thinking about you though. There's something about you lover..."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
It's in the bag. I just have to be patient.
I've done some revision today which i'm feeling good about. still got a lot of work to do though. I have to do the molecular biology lab book and make a leaflet on dermatitis for some reason? BUT it'll be fine.
I'm feeling really good today. And i felt really good yesterday. Mostly because Liverpool lost and got knocked out of the champions league.
Hopefully, things will be better for us tonight...
"I can't stop thinking about you though. There's something about you lover..."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
It's in the bag. I just have to be patient.
I've done some revision today which i'm feeling good about. still got a lot of work to do though. I have to do the molecular biology lab book and make a leaflet on dermatitis for some reason? BUT it'll be fine.
I'm feeling really good today. And i felt really good yesterday. Mostly because Liverpool lost and got knocked out of the champions league.
Hopefully, things will be better for us tonight...
Sunday, 12 April 2009
12.04.09
I don't know what to write. And i don't know whether that's because i can't really be arsed, or if it's because i've written and thought about nothing else but the same thing over n over n over...
I hate waking up, and it been the first thing i think about. And i hate it been the only thing i think about during the day. "where is he, what's he doing, i wonder if he's thought about me?" And i especially hate going to bed, and it been the last thing i think about...
PISSFLAPS!
I hate waking up, and it been the first thing i think about. And i hate it been the only thing i think about during the day. "where is he, what's he doing, i wonder if he's thought about me?" And i especially hate going to bed, and it been the last thing i think about...
PISSFLAPS!
Friday, 10 April 2009
10.04.09
(23.00)
NORTHWESTENDERS
Last night i went out with "him." It wasn't awkward. It wasn't strange. It was really good, and we got on like we always have. And you could of cut the sexual tension with a knife =
It's pissing me off so much.
NORTHWESTENDERS
Last night i went out with "him." It wasn't awkward. It wasn't strange. It was really good, and we got on like we always have. And you could of cut the sexual tension with a knife =
It's pissing me off so much.
Tuesday, 7 April 2009
08.04.09
(01.00)
Ok so he moans constantly to me about how he doesn't want to be with her n says he's not happy. He kisses me. Says he wants me and that he always thinks about me. But then turns around and tells me he wants to make it work with her. So i insist that this stops between us, and he gets all funny with me. I'M TRYNA DO THE RIGHT THING!
He should be with me... =(
Ok so he moans constantly to me about how he doesn't want to be with her n says he's not happy. He kisses me. Says he wants me and that he always thinks about me. But then turns around and tells me he wants to make it work with her. So i insist that this stops between us, and he gets all funny with me. I'M TRYNA DO THE RIGHT THING!
He should be with me... =(
Monday, 6 April 2009
07.04.09
(02.00)
Ok so i'm in a predicament. When i come home next year for my placement, do i stay at home or do i get a flat in Liverpool?
If i were to stay at home, i could put away about 400 maybe 500 quid a month, for my final year of uni, or to buy a car or go on holiday with or something. I wouldn't have to worry about bills, or food shopping, as long as i contribute slightly, and i could even get a lift into work when my dad isn't on early shifts.
However, i think after living away from home for two years it would be really difficult to adjust back. Especially after i didnt come home last summer either. The longest ive speant at home since i moved away was probably about a month over last xmas, and i must admitt, after a while, mummy n daddy started to piss me off royaly. I can't randomly go out at whatever time i want, i can't smoke in me room, i cant skin up a joint n get monged for that matter. There are a lot of things i would miss about living away from home.
So that's why i would consider getting a flat in Liverpool, and i wouldn't mind just living on my own, but at the same time i don't wana pay for bills on my own, so i'd need a flatmate, but i duno who i'd get. And then there's rent, id be paying at least 200 quid a month, plus in the region of 200/300 quid on food and bills and "other" stuff a month, leaving me with little left over to save away. But i'd have my independence, and i reckon having a flat in Liverpool would be fucking class! Even if i do despise scousers...
Also, i want to learn to drive, so i wana be able to afford lessons, and my tests, and i think it would be a lot easier to do it in Widnes where i'm familiar with the roads and such.
On the other hand though i had considered looking into gettin a 6 month lease on a flat in Liverpool. Giving me chance to save some money away and do my driving test, and then after xmas, get a flat n live it up...
I need to hurry up and decide! Saying that though, i'm not even certain i've got the job yet...
(19.30)
"You'll get what you want soon enough. Be patient lover..."
FUCK OFF. Since when have i been patient AT ALL!?
Manchester United Vs FC Porto
Got my shirt on, ready to go...
(20.15)
Michael Carrick is the worst football player i've ever seen in my life. He was actually just marking the ref...
Death would be too good for him.
Ok so i'm in a predicament. When i come home next year for my placement, do i stay at home or do i get a flat in Liverpool?
If i were to stay at home, i could put away about 400 maybe 500 quid a month, for my final year of uni, or to buy a car or go on holiday with or something. I wouldn't have to worry about bills, or food shopping, as long as i contribute slightly, and i could even get a lift into work when my dad isn't on early shifts.
However, i think after living away from home for two years it would be really difficult to adjust back. Especially after i didnt come home last summer either. The longest ive speant at home since i moved away was probably about a month over last xmas, and i must admitt, after a while, mummy n daddy started to piss me off royaly. I can't randomly go out at whatever time i want, i can't smoke in me room, i cant skin up a joint n get monged for that matter. There are a lot of things i would miss about living away from home.
So that's why i would consider getting a flat in Liverpool, and i wouldn't mind just living on my own, but at the same time i don't wana pay for bills on my own, so i'd need a flatmate, but i duno who i'd get. And then there's rent, id be paying at least 200 quid a month, plus in the region of 200/300 quid on food and bills and "other" stuff a month, leaving me with little left over to save away. But i'd have my independence, and i reckon having a flat in Liverpool would be fucking class! Even if i do despise scousers...
Also, i want to learn to drive, so i wana be able to afford lessons, and my tests, and i think it would be a lot easier to do it in Widnes where i'm familiar with the roads and such.
On the other hand though i had considered looking into gettin a 6 month lease on a flat in Liverpool. Giving me chance to save some money away and do my driving test, and then after xmas, get a flat n live it up...
I need to hurry up and decide! Saying that though, i'm not even certain i've got the job yet...
(19.30)
"You'll get what you want soon enough. Be patient lover..."
FUCK OFF. Since when have i been patient AT ALL!?
Manchester United Vs FC Porto
Got my shirt on, ready to go...
(20.15)
Michael Carrick is the worst football player i've ever seen in my life. He was actually just marking the ref...
Death would be too good for him.
06.04.09
(18.30)
My head is an absolute mess. I don't have a clue what/who i want. I duno what to do about Dan. We were on the phone for aaaages earlier, and it was really nice. Everytime i said i was going he'd just start talking about something else, like he wanted me to stay. I definately miss him. But i don't wana take him back after what he did. I really have no clue.
And as for "him." He's pissing me off. Moans about how he wants me, yet every opportunity he has, he bottles out.
It's all fucking mouth. I don't know why i bother...
On a much brighter note, i just ate a really good pork chop. NOM NOM NOM!
(18.50)
Jesus christ, this is not all i think about i promise.
My head is an absolute mess. I don't have a clue what/who i want. I duno what to do about Dan. We were on the phone for aaaages earlier, and it was really nice. Everytime i said i was going he'd just start talking about something else, like he wanted me to stay. I definately miss him. But i don't wana take him back after what he did. I really have no clue.
And as for "him." He's pissing me off. Moans about how he wants me, yet every opportunity he has, he bottles out.
It's all fucking mouth. I don't know why i bother...
On a much brighter note, i just ate a really good pork chop. NOM NOM NOM!
(18.50)
Jesus christ, this is not all i think about i promise.
Sunday, 5 April 2009
05.04.09
Home at last. In my wonderful bed.
Last night was very interesting. A horse ate my necklace. That's all im going to say about the matter...
Before i left sheffield yesterday Dan came round to see me. I'm not going to see him for 3 weeks, and i was actually really upset when he left. we have had some good times over the past 2 weeks, despite what he did. And i think i'm missing him loads =(
So i don't know what i'm going to do. These next 3 weeks should help me to decide.
And as for last nights events, i have no idea what it means...
Last night was very interesting. A horse ate my necklace. That's all im going to say about the matter...
Before i left sheffield yesterday Dan came round to see me. I'm not going to see him for 3 weeks, and i was actually really upset when he left. we have had some good times over the past 2 weeks, despite what he did. And i think i'm missing him loads =(
So i don't know what i'm going to do. These next 3 weeks should help me to decide.
And as for last nights events, i have no idea what it means...
Thursday, 2 April 2009
02.04.09 (2)
(14.30)
She's gone for good. Thank the lord. Things will be a lot better from now on...
I need to write my lab report, but i haven't a clue where to start... But i am going to my lecture so maybe that will get me in the mood.
I'm feeling good today so im not going to wear any makeup.
I'm wondering where James is and what he's doing. I didn't want our last conversation to end. We were talking about the band and everything. Getting to know him a bit better. I get all excited haaa...
I need coffee. I just choked on deoderant.
hmmm...
I can't wait to go home on saturday. Will get to see "him."
I'm getting the impression that it's sunny everywhere else but here. Which is typical. But im not in a sunny mood.
(18.50)
The people that go on Jeremy Kyle want shooting...
I really want to see the Deftones, i had no idea the bassist was in a coma. That's pretty bad. They're recording a new album though regardless so hopefully they'll be touring, after they finish festival season.
Bacon, sausage and fried tomatoe sandwich... heaven.
I need to go write my lab report...
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