10.05.09

I'm watching being john malkovich. and i love this film. i love john malkovich. but it's just made me realise how awesome it would be to see into someones mind. even just for a few minutes. i'd love to be able to look into "his" mind, just for a minute.
even though in the film they don't see john malkovich's thoughts they just see through his eyes or whatever.
but it would solve a lot of my problems. cuz i think half of my problem is the not knowing. like what the hell is going on? where is this heading? i know what i think. i know what i feel. but i don't have a clue from the other perspective.
is there even anything going on though? am i reading too much into it? expecting too much?

and now there's another problem. a half famous, incredibly attractive, incredibly sweet problem. but i don't know if i'm been played or whether he is actually genuinely really interested and is just a bit shy. but i'm left thinking "don't be stupid" he's in a band that are getting really big. he's just finished a uk tour. he probably has girls falling at his feet. he's probably just been nice. but then, it's him that keeps coming back and talking to me. and i find myself getting excited. and thinking oh my god, this guy out of one of my favorite bands could be interested. and at first it was just because he was in this band. but now it's cuz he's such a nice guy. and we have loads of things in common. and he's really sweet. and we have lots to talk about. we say about all these things we want to do together...
but i don't think it will happen. he's so busy. with the band. ive never really known him. we spoke briefly at his gig. and that's where it all started. but apart from that i don't know him.
i don't know him at all.

or is this all in my mind. do i walk around with this dillusion that just because he talks to me that means he likes me. maybe he just spoke to me because he was being polite and now we have got to know eachother slightly, he just classes me as a friend. not even that. an aquaintence.
same with the other one. we have this "thing." this weird, lusting friendship. but is that all it is? a bit of fun to brighten his dreary life n his miserable relationship?

do i read too much into things? do i make things up? twist things to make the situation into what i want it to be?
i wish i knew. so i could sleep...

01.05.09

I have become increasingly aware of the fact that i am been taken for a ride.
By everyone.

25.04.09

Either he is a lying, cheating scum bag, or she is an absolute fucking idiot.
I'm beginning to lose my patience. Not that i ever had any in the first place. I feel like an absolute mug. After what happened on saturday night. The way it was. And then he goes away for 4 days and it's like none of that ever happened?

Proper fed up. Proper proper fed up...

21.04.09

My head is a mess. I need to vent.
But i have too much work.

TOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH WORK.

15.04.09

(17.00)
"I can't stop thinking about you though. There's something about you lover..."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
It's in the bag. I just have to be patient.

I've done some revision today which i'm feeling good about. still got a lot of work to do though. I have to do the molecular biology lab book and make a leaflet on dermatitis for some reason? BUT it'll be fine.

I'm feeling really good today. And i felt really good yesterday. Mostly because Liverpool lost and got knocked out of the champions league.
Hopefully, things will be better for us tonight...

12.04.09

I don't know what to write. And i don't know whether that's because i can't really be arsed, or if it's because i've written and thought about nothing else but the same thing over n over n over...

I hate waking up, and it been the first thing i think about. And i hate it been the only thing i think about during the day. "where is he, what's he doing, i wonder if he's thought about me?" And i especially hate going to bed, and it been the last thing i think about...

PISSFLAPS!

10.04.09

(23.00)
NORTHWESTENDERS

Last night i went out with "him." It wasn't awkward. It wasn't strange. It was really good, and we got on like we always have. And you could of cut the sexual tension with a knife =

It's pissing me off so much.